How identity-based thinking can help teens create habits that stick

Have you set intentions for the new year yet?

More importantly, have you thought about who you want to be in 2024?

Maybe someone who exercises regularly and prioritizes health, or someone who reads regularly?

Whoever it is you want to be, creating the right habits is the key to becoming that person.

Why are habits so important?

In one of my all-time favorite books about creating habits, author James Clear explains that new habits aren’t just about changing our behaviors; they’re also about changing our identities.

It turns out that creating habits with this framework in mind makes them much more powerful.

Instead of focusing on the outcomes you want, the most effective way to create a new habit is by first considering the identity you want to create:

Image from ‘Atomic Habits.’ Orange addition my own.

How habits impact identity

We often draw conclusions about who we are based on our behaviors.

The more we repeat a certain behavior, the more we reinforce the identity associated with that behavior.

The more times a student comes home and gets their homework done right away, the more they’ll start to see themselves as a motivated person, and not a procrastinator.

As James Clear explains…

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

For most of us, our identity is always changing. There might be a few innate truths we hold onto, but our sense of who we are evolves over time. This is especially true for teenagers, whose identities are in a constant state of flux.

“Who am I, really? What social group do I belong to? What are my strengths? What kind of person am I?”

They’re trying to figure all of this out. So, when a teenager creates a new habit, it can have an enormous impact on their sense of self.

Start with WHY

Even though the right habits can have an incredible impact on who we are…upwards of 80% of us still fail to see them through. Why?

Most habit change doesn’t work because people are going in the wrong direction.

They usually start by focusing on the outcomes they want (e.g. lose 5 pounds) or the process they want to take (e.g. go to the gym every day) instead of the reasons WHY this change matters to them on a deeper level, and who they want to become by creating these new habits (someone who prioritizes their health and well-being).

Have you seen Simon Sinek’s talk Start with Why? He presents the idea that great leaders inspire others by putting the WHY (the purpose) before the HOW (the process), or the WHAT (the product).

In his talk, he applies this idea to the way we communicate with others, but the same principle could also be applied to the way we communicate with ourselves.

The most effective way to change your habits is to start by focusing not on what you want to achieve, but instead on why this habit matters to you and the type of person you want to become.

Once you have a clear vision of why you want to make this change and who you want to become in the process, then you can figure out the new habits you want to create — or which old habits you want to break — in order to reinforce that identity.

Despite the why being such an important part of the habit creation process, it’s often forgotten or overlooked. This is why all of our goal-setting sessions with new students include a discussion of WHY their goals matter to them and who they will be in the future if they implement these new habits consistently. This is often one of the most thought-provoking parts of our discussion, and including it in your own thought process when adopting new habits can go a long way towards helping you create habits that stick.

Takeaways

Try starting with WHY when creating your own habits or resolutions this year, and focus on the identity you want to create first before considering the process you’ll follow or the outcome you want to achieve. How does this shift your thinking, as compared to thinking about the outcome first?

Consider sharing this idea with your student as well, and asking what they would like to change about their identity in the upcoming semester. What kind of person do they want to be? A top student? A star athlete? Once they have a clear idea of the identity they want to create, you can help them focus on creating habits that will reinforce that identity over time.

If you want to learn more about how to implement new habits once you know the identity you’re aiming for, I would highly recommend reading Atomic Habits!

Join 11,000+ parents helping their students earn better grades with less stress!

About The Author

Dr. Maggie Wray is a certified ADHD Coach & Academic Life Coach with a Ph.D. in Neurobiology and Behavior from Cornell and a Bachelor’s degree in Astrophysics from Princeton. She founded Creating Positive Futures in 2012 to help high school and college students learn how to earn better grades with less stress. Her team of dedicated coaches is on a mission to empower students to develop the mindset, organization, time management, and study skills they need to achieve their goals.