5 Major Screen Time Challenges and How to Solve Them

Screen time is something I get asked about a lot. It’s one of the biggest areas of conflict between parents and teens, even under normal circumstances.

But in this moment, technology is a lifeline, an education tool, and a vital social connection. Managing technology well may be one of the most important things a parent can help their family within the coming months.

Because technology is a life-saver right now. But we’re all a little worried that it will take control of our lives if we’re not careful.

If screen time challenges have been leaving you feeling a little frustrated with your teen, or if you’re battling about it daily, here are some ways to address the challenges you might be facing.

Challenge 1: I don’t understand where the fascination comes from

How often do you feel frustrated when you find your teen sitting on the couch playing their favorite video game, their homework unfinished, and chores not completed?

A crucial step to help eliminate some of the frustration you may be experiencing is understanding why your teen likes their favorite app, social media platform, or video game. Consider sitting down and asking them to show you how it works. You may begin to understand how they’re using it, and gain some insight as to where their fascination comes from.

Overall, try to respect that technology is a big part of their lifestyle and how they communicate. Judging or denying their feelings about the experiences they might be having could cause some negative feelings during a very delicate time. Instead, you could use this time to build a positive family relationship by taking interest in something they value.

Challenge 2: I’m worried my teen spends too much time in front of a screen

Typically, when students are in school, they know exactly where they should be and where they’re going next. Having a routine and well-defined boundaries creates a feeling of certainty and lessens anxiety. 

During this stage of social distancing, you might have realized how much time you and your family are spending online. If you’re concerned about your teen spending too much time in front of a screen, it may be time to set some boundaries before we head into summer.

What is screen time?

In order to create boundaries, you need to clearly define what screen time consists of for your teen. Take a moment to chat with your teen and ask them how they define screen time. Some things to consider are: 

• School work
• Social media
• Video games
• TV
• Reading 
• Socializing with family and friends

Devorah Heitner, an expert on young people’s relationship with digital media and technology, advises to “really look at the ways our kids are using technology in their lives especially during this unique time and really focus on how it is supporting their mental health. How is it supporting their friendships? How is it supporting their relationships with their family? How is it supporting their learning?”

A lot of times, we mistakenly label screen time as wasteful or unproductive. However, to your teen, their screen time may be the only time they have to socialize or be creative.

Challenge 3: Technology is an ongoing power struggle

For the third night this week, you’ve taken your teen’s phone away and stashed it in your dresser drawer because they aren’t following your rules. If this scenario sounds familiar you may have a power struggle on your hands. 

Since the Coronavirus pandemic, your teen may need some extra screen time to allow them to socialize. Sitting down with your teen to come up with a new agreement can be beneficial. Try asking them why they’re having a hard time sticking to the screen time rules and boundaries you currently have. When you have a collaborative conversation, you’re letting your teen know that you respect their ideas and are willing to work with them to come up with a solution.

Mentor vs. Monitor

After clearly defining what screen time is, you can both decide if additional action steps are needed to help them prioritize their time. If they decide they need some help setting tech boundaries, you can help them understand their challenges by: 

1. Asking what their academic and social priorities are
2. Mapping out their current daily schedule to see how they’re spending their time
3. Asking them what boundaries look like for them

Challenge 4: My teen struggles with ADHD and executive functioning skills

The amount of time your kid spends in front of the screen may have you concerned that they are forming unhealthy habits — especially when ADHD and executive functioning challenges are involved.

Psychologist Sharon Saline explains that, “for complex kids who struggle with executive functioning challenges, it’s particularly difficult to set limits or to respect the limits that their parents are setting.” Screen time activities that your kid enjoys tap into their dopamine pathways giving them positive and pleasurable feelings. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing, however, it does make it difficult to self-manage and maintain a healthy screen time “diet”. This can be concerning for kids who struggle with impulse control, time management skills, or cause and effect thinking.

Saline recommends only allowing screen time after they have completed their homework, or chores, along with setting strict time limits on screen time. If your kid can stick to the initial time limit offered, consider rewarding them with extra screen time. What tends to work best are simple programs that have to do with motivation and reward.

Consequence vs Punishment

The goal is to avoid punishment and teach consequences. Doing so will give your teen the opportunity to be independent and make their own judgement calls. Identifying consequences in advance can help your teen make better decisions about how to respond to the boundaries you have put in place.

When you set a consequence, make sure the expectation is realistic. Realistic meaning, they can do it in a consistent manner 80% of the time without any assistance.

Challenge 5: I don’t know how to implement the changes

For a lot of parents, creating a routine that their kid can stick to is the hardest part. How do you implement a routine to manage screen time when it’s already such a huge part of your teen’s daily life?

Cynthia Crossley, an expert in preparing kids and teens with the essential habits they need to live a healthy life, has come up with P.A.C.E.: a concept that explains how to set yourself up for success once you’ve made the commitment to tackle your teen’s screen time challenges.

P: Prepare your mindset

Screen time is an issue because you want your teen to achieve something specific. You can start progressing through the P.A.C.E. model by sitting down with your kid and having a collaborative conversation about both of your screen time goals. Take this time to be very specific about what you want to solve. Try using this template to get started:

I intend to help my teen _____ so that they will learn_____and will have a healthy relationship with technology. 

Instead of having a broad goal like, “I want my teen to complete their homework,” try getting specific with the goal: “I’d like my teen to finish their homework by 6:00 PM every night so they will make it to family dinner at 6:30 PM.

The key is to keep the goal small enough so they can achieve it and easily put it into practice. Once they’ve mastered the first goal you’ve set, you can move on to the next.

A: Automate the routine

This step is about creating a routine that is habit forming. An inconsistent routine creates unclear responsibilities and expectations. The goal is to create a habit forming routine that is easy to follow through with and has clear expectations. You can refer back to our blog post on how to form habits that stick to help you get started. After setting the boundaries for screen time, you have to decide what will come after screen time is over. Do your best to collaborate and make it a motivating activity like a walk, bike ride, or something creative. This step can be the most challenging because it involves actively changing the unwanted habits.

C: Celebrate

The third step in the P.A.C.E. model is about motivation. Once your kid has successfully made it through the routine, Crossley advises to celebrate as a family. Give your teen recognition for completing the task. Celebrating looks different for everyone, “but it’s about knowing that something as simple as a high five, a hug, picking the radio in the house, or who gets to talk to Alexa and tell Alexa what we’re doing next can be really motivating to teens.”

Giving your teen a choice or an opportunity to gain some independence may help motivate them to accomplish more goals.

E: Experiment

Don’t get discouraged if your teen wasn’t able to meet their screen time goal. Crossley recommends “parents go into learning to manage technology with a view toward experimenting.”

Have realistic expectations and go into your new routine with a trial-and-error mindset. If you find yourself back at the drawing board, talk to your family about why your attempt may have failed. Did they need more notice before their screen time was over? Maybe their celebration wasn’t motivating enough? Keeping communication open will let your teen know that you are a team and create more opportunities to grow as a family.

Be practical, not perfect

Don’t try to implement all of these techniques at once. There are a lot of challenges when it comes to tackling screen time, so try to stick to one or two that are really important to both you and your teen. From there, you can implement these tips based on which one fits your family dynamic best. 

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About The Author

Dr. Maggie Wray is a certified ADHD Coach & Academic Life Coach with a Ph.D. in Neurobiology and Behavior from Cornell and a Bachelor’s degree in Astrophysics from Princeton. She founded Creating Positive Futures in 2012 to help high school and college students learn how to earn better grades with less stress. Her team of dedicated coaches is on a mission to empower students to develop the mindset, organization, time management, and study skills they need to achieve their goals.